A few years ago I was sexually harrassed by my grandfather. I think I was about 14 when it happened. I was scared and chocked and didn't dare to do anything when he came on to me.

For years I blamed myself. "I should have told him to stop. I shouldn't have let him do that to me" were my thoughts. I saw myself as a disgusting little bug and a coward. I didn't dare to tell anyone. Partly because of the shame, but also because of the chaos my family would have to go through. I didn't want them to be sad or angry. I didn't want my family to split up. I knew all this would happen if I told anyone, and my family would be in pain just because I told them. It would be my fault.

I was a wreck and did everything to make myself even more miserable, because I wasn't worth anything. I was dirt and I deserved to feel like shit. I hated myself.

Over time I finally gained the courage to tell my friends and what I got back was support. They didn't think any of that was my fault. I was young and I was scared. It was OK. He was the one doing something wrong. It was still hard for me to accept this, but having my friends to support me really made a difference.

Some more time passed and in 2011 I told the student councillor at my school the story. He and I talked alot and often about this and he helped me deal with my past. I've had alot of ups and downs, but he's always been there to support me and help me. In August 2012 I got into therapy and I eventually felt safe enough to tell my therapist as well. I still didn't want my family to get hurt, but I knew I had to get help dealing with this or I would break down completely.

The chaos that I had feared for happened when my family found out, but it was not as agressive as I thought it would be. I was greeted with support and actually admiration for being this brave. My mom was probably the one taking this the hardest of everyone, which I understand. Finding this out about her daughter and her own father being responsible could not have been easy for her. It has brought us much closer and alot of family secrets have been revealed for me. I am not the only one in my family who he'd done this to. These people have stepped forward now as well and told their stories. My grandfather denies the whole thing and my grandmother refuses to accept it as the truth so they have now been completely cut off from our family and I never have to see them again.

I have told the police what he did to me. It has been a tough journey with alot of tears, but it finally feels like the pieces are coming together. I think I'll soon be able to put this behind me for good. For the first time I feel strong and proud of my own bravery. Because this... has been scary. It is not easy to confess this type of thing. But I know now that none of it was my fault and I should not have to suffer for what he did to me. He has taken too many of my years already.

Today was a good day. Bye for now,

Amee