Hi again. I honestly forgot all about my blog for a few days. Don't know how that happened, but I'm back now.

Christmas break is over so I went to school yesterday and I'm already longing for the sports holiday. School used to be my life once. However since I fell apart a while ago it's been hell. Yesterday was a day fit for top 10 worst schooldays though, since I don't have any friends there anymore.

I always used to hang out with two other girls in my class. I'll call them M and E. M and I are still nice to each other but we're not close anymore. She is the typical popular girl who everyone likes, so I guess she just doesn't have time for a shy, quiet person like me.

E and I were really close friends. We told each other everything. We were always there for each other. Though last term she got really depressed and mostly stayed home. She was on her way back up again and she was really exited about a movie night she was going to have the day we ended school. This movie night had been a constant topic in our conversations for quite some time, so I thought it obvious for me to be invited, also given how close friends we were.

About a week and a half before school ended she began turning me down every time I asked if she wanted to hang out after school. She had other plans. I thought it was a pity, but didn't think deeper into it.

When a week of school was left I was taken to the hospital because I was deeply depressed and wanted to die. They let me go pretty soon though and that's when I got my medication. I told E all about this and I came to school for the last three days.

The night before the end of term and E's movie night I sent her a text: "The movie night still on tomorrow? :)" I got the answer "Yes, but we're too many". I thought well that's a bummer and asked "so everyone cant come?" and she said no. That's when I realized what she meant and asked her "...so I can't come?" and she said no and that she was sorry.

That's when I started adding everything together. "Okey... But you're not avoiding me right? Because if you are, I'd rather have you say it to me than having me look like an idiot hoping to see you soon.." I told her. "No I'm not avoiding you, but I'm not feeling very well and I can't deal with your problems too, it's just too much. So I don't think we should hang out anymore" was the answer I got. This is when I actually felt really hurt. I could understand her though, it's tough having a depressed friend, I know that. But E is still a close friend of mine and I didn't wan't to lose her, so I said "I never asked you to take care of my problems, E. I didn't know you took it like that. What if I just don't talk about my problems when I'm with you then?" and she never replied.

I'm not hurt because she didn't let me come to the movie night. Yes, I think she could have told me earlier, but what really hurt my feelings was that instead of coming up to me and saying that this doesn't work, she just tried to avoid me, and when I come with a suggestion to a solution she doesn't even answer.

Yesterday was the first day I've seen her since this happened. She didn't even look my way unless I for whatever reason was right next to her. I made it easy for her and stayed away. Making myself the lonliest student in the school.